Thursday, January 12, 2006

Melancholy with Memories

Okay, so long story:
I said I had to post about a crazy dream, here's that.
The other day I watched this really stupid Lifetime movie while I was working on a new pattern. It had Mario Lopez, and the Pink Ranger, and that little blond girl who used to be Dawson's girlfriend, but now has Heath Ledger's baby... Anyway, not the best movie. And it got me thinking about high school, you know... because my friends and I would kidnap teachers and withhold their heart medication thereby killing them and then hide the body all the time? So, thinking about high school must have made me dream funny, because I had a dream where I was talking about high school on an Oprahesque talk show. But not just high school, no, I was talking about one of the most embarrassing things that happened to me back then. So here's that story.

There was this guy I sat next to in Earth Science (no, Ali, if you're reading this, not Mr. Calcaterra). Anyway, I liked this guy all year. And I never said anything because I'm a crazy wimp and I could only actually ask a guy out about once a year and survive the rejection. So, I just was always waiting for him to ask me out. But I totally liked him, and loved sitting next to him and stuff. So, we graduate. And I go to college. And discover making out and such. Late bloomer, I know. And at Christmas break, this guy and I get together. He invites me over. We're alone in his room watching movies. What was I supposed to think? So I lead the conversation to kissing... I know, am I suave or what? You all totally want to be the BeppyCat. Anyway, we make out a little. Okay, here's the really embarrassing part: I think we're going to, you know, be going out now... but after I get back to school, I find out that he's told absolutely everyone in the class (I'm serious, there were only 110 of us, it got around) about it and (here's the worst part) he completely made fun of the way I kiss. I know, could we all be more indignant?

So there I was talking on this talk show about how upsetting this was, and how people kept bringing it up, and I became known as the Biter for a while in my hometown. As though that's a bad thing. It was a crazy dream because one, I haven't really thought about it in a while, that stuff doesn't stay important too long, two, it took me right back to where that was an important thing to be upset about, and three, I couldn't believe that Oprah or her audience would actually care about a strory like that. I mean, it probably won't even get much play on my own blog.

Okay, so I have this weird dream, but I wake up and reassure myself that my husband likes the way I kiss and good enough for me, right? But the funny thing is, it got me thinking a lot about how great my life was then, especially in high school, not so much in college. And how very happy I was most of the time. It was like everything was new, so even the drama and the embarrassing things were exciting and fun. It was a hard time, yeah, but so great. And I would never trade my high school experience with anyone ever. Even though all through high school, I would be like, "this better not be the best time of my life, things have to get better than this." Well, it wasn't the best time of my life, but it's definately worth remembering.

Now my college stories on the other hand... well, that's where things are not so much worth remembering. I missed my friends too much and had too many new experiences all at once. But when I think about it, that was my whole point. To get away from high school and change and be more exciting and blah blah blah. And I did it at college. And didn't like it one bit. What I really want now, is to make my life like it was in high school. Not that I want to be all young and crap again, responsibility doesn't bother me. Just that I want to be more excited by nothing. And have laughter fill things up like it did then. I've been working on being more of that person for a while now, and I'm getting there. I just need some fun loving friends to share all that with me.

So, those have been my thoughts lately. I really should stay out of my old papers and letters. Just makes me wistful, and that's no fun to read, right? Well, that story might have been a little fun to read, but you haven't heard anything till you've heard the one where Beppy plays tennis. Maybe that one next time.

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Julie said...

Oh! Oh! Can I tell the tennis story?? Huh? Can I? Can I? LOL!!!!!

I totally know what you mean. That's exactly the way I felt about high school and college. The trauma I suffered in college was not even worth comparing to the trauma I suffered at the hand Jennifer Fryzel.

Anonymous said...

I HAVE to know who you're talking about!

I always thought adults we're stupid for saying "Enjoy high school while you can, it gets much harder after this". How was I supposed to know they actually knew what they were talking about? Not to say that things haven't gotten a lot better since then, because they have, but they've also gotten a lot harder.

I guess I was lucky to not have been sheltered during high school (though, I DO regret some of the things I did), because it made the transition into the real world a lot easier. My first year out of high school was probably the hardest, though, trying to let go of things I was foolish for trying to hang onto in the first place.

Overall, high school was a bad enough experience for me that PHS will never see me again. I'm sure I won't be missed at our 10 year reunion. In fact, if I showed up, I'm sure I'd get a lot of "And you are.....?"


Bethany said...

I'll totally tell you, but I'm not sure if I should say right out in the open who it was. Do you have an email address? Mine's the same as in high school.

I'd miss you if you weren't there. I mean, if I were to go myself. I have no plans either way. I've been missing you since we graduated. Not in a crazy psycho needy way though... nope, not at all like that. :D

I'm starting to see that there was so much going on with my friends that I just didn't see, and I'm wishing I'd been more self aware at the time, and I could have seen that I was self-centered. Now that I know differently how to support people, I feel like I owe you and Lena and a couple of other people apologies for letting myself be blind to your hard times.

I guess I was very sheltered, and getting to college got me over that. All the things I regret doing are in my college time. I tried holding on to things long after they were past too. Mainly a guy, and that's a funny story too.

Anonymous said...

yeah, mine is the same as in high school, too.
Drop me a line.

Julie said...

i wanna know too.

Brienne said...

do i already know that story?

remember the time you were supposed to go home, and your dad didn't show up for hours and hours? and how much we freaked out, and he got there, and was all, oh, sorry about that :)?

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