Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Struggling with Myself

Those who have been reading my blog for a long while might remember that through the last couple of years I've had relapses of mono that I had but didn't know about the fall before last. This comes on for a day or two, makes me ache-y and exhausted, makes my glands swell and gives me headaches, and then goes away. At first I would feel like this every other week or so, and then it got to be farther and farther between that it would come back. I haven't had these syptoms since Feb. now, and before that, probably Nov.

Anyway, it's not too much of a big deal and doesn't usually bother me, since the solution is generally just to sleep more and rest for a few days. Also, at the risk of sounding really pathetic, my period generally makes me sick. Like, fever, sore throat, chills sick. My dr in AZ told me this isn't really unusual, since it's more likely to pick up a virus or whatever when your body is, um, preoccupied and expending energy else where.

Well, the point of all this background is to say that I'm feeling sick this week. On Monday I after I had done so much work, I was feeling exhausted, and I didn't feel any better when I woke up yesterday. So yesterday I didn't really do much of anything. I was hoping that after resting most of yesterday, I'd feel better today, because honestly, yesterday was kind of boring. I'm not very good at doing nothing anymore. But I'm not feeling any better this morning, with swollen glands and a headache.

Here's the problem though: I know that I should rest in order for feeling sick not to end up lasting for weeks, but I look at all that has to get done (mowing the lawn, cleaning the floors, basic things like dinner and dishes) and I feel like I'm just being lazy for not getting up and doing it. Like, I'm not sick enough to be stuck in bed, so I should be working.

I suppose I just wanted to vent a little, but also to ask this: Do you all find it difficult to balance rest with work? I usually don't, but this week I keep feeling like I'm using "have to rest" as an excuse for laziness. (Though I suppose that this could be because the lawn has become my mortal enemy and I'm consumed with mowing. It just takes so long and never ends! So I might just be feeling "lawn mowers' remorse" every day I don't mow.) Does anyone else have a problem deciding when it's okay to just do nothing? How can I judge these things? I guess in the end, I fear that I'll just keep on saying, "but I have to rest for my health", right up until I've neglected all my comitments and responsibilities.

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Julie said...

Oh my word you have just successfully described my life. I'm mean, I'm busy, right? Who's not? I work full time, I'm going to school, I try to keep up with Brian, but every few days I just have to watch 5 hours of TV and not budge off the couch until I've eaten my weight in popcorn. Needless to say, Brian's been doing most of the cleaning, etc. And we've been grilling a lot more often that we normally would. So, we survive the times when we're too tired/half sick, but I don't have any good answers for you except to say mono doesn't get better unless you rest. I know a lot of people who have suffered with mono who say it's frusterating that they can't do anything, but they really can't.

Sushi said...

Hey Bethany, I'm so happy you paid me a visit to see the cakes! Thanks, I already told Mama and Grandma you liked them!
Don't worry about not getting things done, if you insist on doing the chores while feeling sick you might get really sick and really need to be in bed. Take sometime for yourself because the world is not gonna end if little things don't get done. Big thing and things that are most important to you should matter more like the most valuable asset one can have, which is good health. Preserve it, don't overdo and don't feel guilty. Just do like me! I have no worries in my mind! WOOF WOOF!
I have a tag for you(check my blog), it's special and hopefully you'll find energy to do this one. Thanks and Cheers!

Alison said...

I am very lazy and good at it. Sometimes it is accompanied by guilt but more often than not, I can spend an entire day in bed and accomplish nothing all day.

I do feel like, "Oh I should clean the kitchen or living room or whatever" but I know that I can always clean it later.

Your health is more important than chores.

Anonymous said...

Beth, Angie here, signing in as anonymous because I have no idea how this works. But this I know, mono/chronic fatigue. I am so sorry you are suffering from this. I have suffered for over 14 years with it. I really do know what you are going through, including the guilt. You must rest. You must. So the grass gets high and Ben eats pb and j for 2 weeks. So what. Rest. Sleep. Get fresh air. Eat as healthily as you possibly can. Stay away from the sugar--it makes it so much worse and yet you'll crave it. Take your vitamins. Sleep. I know. I've been there so many times. What is it with our genes? I love you. Ang

Melonie said...

I agree with the other gals, most especially Angie. Picture us standing over you nagging you to GO REST.

Take a little trip to the library or bookstore and pick out some books about things you've always wanted to learn about/how to do. Take some vitamins, healthy snacks, and lots of water and put them beside the bed or couch with said stack of books and whatever sewing/knitting will fit neatly nearby.

Then sit. And sit. And occasionally lie down. Then sit some more.

And while you do this, you can read, learn, grow.... you can work on small projects. You can watch educational/informative things on TV.

But you will be RESTING your body - and you'll keep yourself healthier - while still being able to complete some things and feeling *productive*. :-)

Bethany said...

Thanks everyone for your encouagement and suggestions. Melonie, I particularly like your idea of using rest time to accomplish somethin worthwhile without straining my body.

Angie! You found my blog and figured out how to comment! That's so cool. (I'm totally serious, even though that might have come across as sarcastic.)

Anyway, it's good to get nagged at sometimes, especially if it's to be told to sit around and read. :D

CastoCreations said...

I'm sorry you're feeling icky. :(

I have no problem deciding to 'do nothing' and rest. I know that if I am feeling lousy and push myself my body will rebel on me and drag me down further.

Your house will always be there but your body needs to be taken care of and priority #1.

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