Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Waffling

I'm vacillating today. I go back and forth within a matter of moments from optimistic, to discouraged. From peppy to overwhelmed. From enthusiastic to lazy.

Is it hormonal? Very possibly. And it's also some external stimuli as well.

I'm reading Ruth Stout's books about mulching, which excite me and make me look forward to gardening when I usually see it just as a chore necessary for me to get to can things. But then I take a look at the waterlogged garden, with water lying all over it, and knowing that I should have lettuces and greens planted already, I feel beaten before I begin. I sometimes think that gardening really is just a bit beyond me.

I can come up with a million things that would be enjoyable and productive to do today, but thirty seconds later, I'm apethetic and feeling a bit teenager-y. I could knit, but my hands hurt. I could clean, but then it'll all just be dirty again. The garden is waiting, but it's another rainy day. I could read, but then I'd feel guilty for not doing any of the other things. I'd like to shake myself and tell myself, shape up, young lady, there's a lot of people with no choice at all what they'll do on a given day.

Is it the weather? It is a rainy day, but pleasant, and the birds are certainly able to enjoy it. I can hear them singing, and see them chasing each other around our front porch.

I love catching up on blogs everyday, and really enjoy all the tips and home-y news from everyone else, but I also become so frustrated and feel so futile and impotent when I read about things like Ivory's problems with her city on Little House in the Suburbs. I understand that there's no shortage of bad news on the internet and in the world, but this is a topic that I feel very passionately about for which I see no solution. Rules that allow very large useless animals to be kept as pets, but classify anything useful as livestock make me very angry. The classism and downright snobbery involved in the passing of these laws infuriates me. And the personal freedoms that are coded and regulated right out of our lives seem only to be missed by a very small minority.

My usual philosophy is that if I have something to complain or worry about, I need to solve it instead, or just accept it and move on. I guess I'm feeling unable to do either right now, though writing about things has helped a bit. I know that my regular readers are more used to upbeat informative posts, but I'm feeling a strange combination of eager and pensive today, and looking for an outlet for some pent up thoughts and energy.

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2 comments:

Worknprogress said...

Here Here! I, too, was taken aback, followed by infuriated, by Ivory's posts about her treatment all because of her goat. And i am not even going to say adorable goat (it is obviously, but that is not the sole purpose of the lil' gal. Adorable is a dog...because, that is all they can be--they don't "mow the lawn" or give milk. And they certainly aren't a substitute for children!)

Just leaving a comment though encourage you. Here in Seattle, we are used to the weather you are describing for months on end. Being from AZ myself, by this time of the "Spring-like Winter" i am usually going out of my gourd. Indecisive, pouty, grim, anxious, snarly, and sometimes down right apocalypic behaviour exudes from me like a 3 year old going home empty handed from the toy section of your local "one stop shop" mart. Pathetic, yes...temporary, definitely!

It is the time of year for rain clouds and gully washers. And sometimes, there is just nothing else better to do on these days than to kick back with your read and a cuppa and enjoy your day. It's ministry to your soul, especially when the days will come this summer when you hit the ground running at dawn and barely have enough time to kiss your hubbie goodnight before shut eye.

And for the injustice being done to Ivory...pray.

Hope you have a managable day!

Bethany said...

Thanks for the kind words and encouragement. It's so kind of you to come by and offer comisseration!

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