I'm vacillating today. I go back and forth within a matter of moments from optimistic, to discouraged. From peppy to overwhelmed. From enthusiastic to lazy.
Is it hormonal? Very possibly. And it's also some external stimuli as well.
I'm reading Ruth Stout's books about mulching, which excite me and make me look forward to gardening when I usually see it just as a chore necessary for me to get to can things. But then I take a look at the waterlogged garden, with water lying all over it, and knowing that I should have lettuces and greens planted already, I feel beaten before I begin. I sometimes think that gardening really is just a bit beyond me.
I can come up with a million things that would be enjoyable and productive to do today, but thirty seconds later, I'm apethetic and feeling a bit teenager-y. I could knit, but my hands hurt. I could clean, but then it'll all just be dirty again. The garden is waiting, but it's another rainy day. I could read, but then I'd feel guilty for not doing any of the other things. I'd like to shake myself and tell myself, shape up, young lady, there's a lot of people with no choice at all what they'll do on a given day.
Is it the weather? It is a rainy day, but pleasant, and the birds are certainly able to enjoy it. I can hear them singing, and see them chasing each other around our front porch.
I love catching up on blogs everyday, and really enjoy all the tips and home-y news from everyone else, but I also become so frustrated and feel so futile and impotent when I read about things like Ivory's problems with her city on Little House in the Suburbs. I understand that there's no shortage of bad news on the internet and in the world, but this is a topic that I feel very passionately about for which I see no solution. Rules that allow very large useless animals to be kept as pets, but classify anything useful as livestock make me very angry. The classism and downright snobbery involved in the passing of these laws infuriates me. And the personal freedoms that are coded and regulated right out of our lives seem only to be missed by a very small minority.
My usual philosophy is that if I have something to complain or worry about, I need to solve it instead, or just accept it and move on. I guess I'm feeling unable to do either right now, though writing about things has helped a bit. I know that my regular readers are more used to upbeat informative posts, but I'm feeling a strange combination of eager and pensive today, and looking for an outlet for some pent up thoughts and energy.





This is my Grandpa Trudell. I'm jealous of his hair. I think he's only about twelve in this picture, but is it any wonder Grandma fell for him just a few years later? Grandpa Trudell passed away about 5 years ago. He was an excellent outdoorsman, he loved to hunt and to fish. He was an ice fisher, and I remember going to their house one day after school, and seeing all his money and wallet on the porch held down by rocks, because he'd fallen through that day and had to put them out to dry. He had high standards about using your head and thinking things through and doing things well and correctly.